This weekend, I planted some Clematis plants at the base of my wedding arch that sits at the entrance of my front walkway. As I stood beneath the cedar archway, I was transported to the happiest day in my life, when Love made everything feel possible. I bathed for a moment in the memories of walking down the aisle toward Jim, locking eyes with my soon-to-be-husband. I can clearly recall the feeling of safety and serenity wash over me as he reached out his hand to draw me under the arch with him.
I am tethered to the energy of the memories held within this arch for all time, and to the subtle reminder that Grief is the inevitable result of Love.
I ground myself into the earth beneath the arch, asking Jim’s spirit to stay with me just a little longer, as I plant the purple Clematis. Not ready to be alone, I focus my attention on the little plant in front of me, wondering how I am going to unwind the complicated tiny vines from the mini trellis without damaging its glorious perfection. I am in awe of the plant’s ability to know how to create a sense of personal safety by gripping tightly back onto its own vines and the flimsy plastic that provides a temporary home. I feel a deep and profound connection to the delicate but resilient plant.
The sound of my voice echoed through my body as I made my request: “If you let go of your grip and allow me to move you, you will flourish, expand and grow freely and wildly as you were meant to.” As though the vines understood what I was offering, she began to loosen her tight grip. She helped me find and follow the easiest path to gently unlace her from the complicated web of safety she had grown into.
As I heard my request playing over and over in my mind, compassion filled my heart for this wondrous plant. I was essentially asking her to let go of all she has ever known of safety and security in exchange for this unknown future that promises an opportunity to flourish and grow beyond its wildest dreams. Another layer is revealed of how this tiny plant was bringing awareness to my own life.
When have I retracted into myself, clutching to what is here and now, because it feels safer?
How many times have I rejected someone reaching out to graciously guide me to the next opportunity because the thought of losing a controlling grip seemed too much to consider?
What would be possible if I let go of the security of all I know and reach for something that would allow me to grow wildly and freely?
Who can I become if I loosen the grip on my belief that staying where I am is safer than reaching out for more?
I have created a very limiting (yet highly beneficial) Workaround of attempting to control everything in my immediate reach so that I always feel safe and protected. It has been working pretty well for me to stay in my protective shell, but there are times when it makes me feel confined and small. Alone. There is a growing part of me that wants to experience more life and love beyond what I’m allowing myself at the moment.
I am ready to flourish–to grow freely and wildly as I was meant to–as I expand my heart, my life, and my business in new directions.
Each moment I can consciously choose whether I want to stay in the safety of my desire to control everything around me OR I can consciously choose to untether myself from one tiny thing that holds me back from that sense of wild freedom I long for. The choice is always mine.
Today I choose to make decisions from a place of Love and Connection. Why? Because this is how the wild Clematis grow.
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